I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I’m struggling with finding my way forward at the present moment in time. Knowing certain elements of what I want for my future still hold true but also understanding that some things have to change. I feel unsure about the next step – although already I am in action.
During my existential explorations, I discovered the US Army has what is called The Warrior Ethos. Reading it through, I realised it resonated with my beliefs and thoughts about attempting to bring into being what I wanted from my life, by working through what has gone before. I’ve come to the end of a cycle which has enabled me to heal a trauma leading back to my teen years. The fallen comrade was myself and I went back to retrieve a part of me which had been lost. Have you done this before when working through personal healing? I feel lucky to be able to combine the forward movement of travel, with emotional healing. I know not all journeys need to be about this and each person travels for their own reason. But what I have realised is that in doing so I have created a different life and now two paths lie before me (well for the present time anyway!) I have created choice.
Yet it has also made me question whether going back is always necessary or needed. Can a line be drawn under something and it still be sorted out in the psyche. Do you always need to go back to move forward?
This also reminded me of what I really liked about our time in America. On our trip aboard the California Zephyr, a journey on the Amtrak train from San Francisco to New York. I encountered the Warrior Ethos of the American spirit, in the kindness of a woman who took charge of a train carriage to enable my little family of four to be together.
Then with a little more thought and a touch more research, I came across Ohana – meaning family. Family means noone gets left behind.
My mind turned to our short experience of the island of O’hau and the connection I felt on visiting Pearl Harbour with my children-to my parents. So far from home, with both parents dead. Yet there was one point when I felt as if I were with my parents, as the smells and sounds of my childhood played out before me.
Within the Maori culture there is Whanau – which again means something similar. I have always been fascinated by the maori culture and wish I had many lifetimes enabling me to explore many different careers, cultures, countries and ways of being. I’ve been to New Zealand a couple of times now and do want to end my days here if possible – if life chooses the way. The most precious moment on my birthday, led me to experience a Maori kiss – Hongi or Ha. Which is meant to represent the breath of life – the sharing of both parties souls. Very special to me.
I didn’t think looking for work would draw out of me so many thoughts, feelings,choices and judgements of what is or isn’t the way forward. But then this is freedom and freedom allows for this – makes room for this and celebrates all this is. With each decision and choice in our life, does it leave us reflecting on the last which brought us to this point!
I’d love to know your thoughts…