“That depends where you want to end up.” The Cheshire Cat.
Today my travels have taken me on a very strange journey indeed. One where I have found a new way to walk into my inner emotional world, through the outer experience.
I absolutely adore travel blogging – I like the research, the unfolding of a destination, an experience, a place and its people. I love to write, share and create. In the hope that, those whom read my blog, will find something inspirational, educational or even just thoughtful in what I write. They’ll be able to take something from it, for themselves.
I am still in the early stages of blogging and do not really know how this will unfold. Each step I take is a new one. So many times I find myself standing staring within and not knowing where the hell I am. What I do know, is that travel blogging makes me happy. I am at my happiest when I am travelling and sharing what I am experiencing with others.
Recently the desire has been within me, to step out of the home and find some work. I have wondered how this will affect my creative process. Am I doing enough to build contacts within the writing industry and am I connecting correctly with those looking for writers but when I was younger, I was happier when I was out working, earning a living, taking care of my family financially and travelling as and when it was appropriate and affordable.
So I’ve been looking for work. Questioning do I step back into Counselling (is this a backward step or do I look further for work within the tourism/writing industries. Could this be forward movement)
Today I attended a recruitment event. I was invited to participate in a selection process with four others. For the position of Counselling Lecturer. My nerves kicked in early on, feeling a relational and social anxiety, as opposed to personal nerves. I’ve been at home working for so long now, it’s only understandable. There was a time a few moons ago, when I would apply for jobs – filling in application forms and being offered interviews – for fun.
I had spent the last week putting together a ten minute mini-teach for the Panel. I’d sweated and sworn to myself about this – waking up in the night with counselling theory topics running riot in my mind, until I finally managed to put together the ten minutes required, yesterday.
The other four people whom had been chosen, were open and friendly and I soon felt at ease being around others again. It was in fact delightful to sit and talk about many different experiences and topics with my peers, whilst we each awaited our turn to perform.
Alas, I did not get the position. The feedback I received was constructive and I could see both theirs and my own perspective on the mini-teach. Able to take the learning forward. Yet I was unprepared for the tears that followed. Was it because I had worked so hard at putting together a detailed 90 minute lesson plan, then creating a ten minute, mini-teach. Or was it because I enjoyed being around my Peers and the respect I felt when in communication with them.
I miss the human connection that cannot come with being alone, yet I enjoy spending time with me. My inspiration is at its most alive when I am out in the world – touching, tasting, thinking, connecting, experiencing all it has to offer. Which is exactly why I love to travel, write and connect with others, alongside my happiness, but I also like to feel and experience the respect that comes from spending time with my peers, whom have a similar world view to mine.
Now I’ve come home, brought the washing in from the line – washed up all the pots and pans left over from earlier today and have taken a moment to sit and reflect on the experiences of earlier, wondering what my next step will be. Reading back to myself what I have written and questioning the ‘staring within’ when all I really want to do, is be out in the world.
I wonder what the next step will be – how will this second chance of living I have unfold. Do I ask too many questions and should I just leave well alone and trust!
Who knows, only time will tell.
Who else has experienced this sort of predicament. Have you?
If so and as always. I’d love to know your thoughts…