Now What?

Koh Tao, Thailand.

On my return from world travel in 2007, having a family meant that I took on the mammoth task of home schooling my teenage children. I found it hard being in one place. Homeschooling on the move is far more interesting and needed if you want to educate your children experientially rather than academically.

Staying in one place and not following a school educational philosophy was quite difficult with one wage and no support. Especially as I struggled with dealing with the requirements of an education system that had expectations of me ‘teaching’ my children.

The attitude of peers who suddenly stopped asking about the education of our chidren, it was as if they had become invisible to society. A frustrating experience for all.

My own beliefs about educating my children as they became realised. In fact with further thought I was more inclined to view it during my time as a working woman who had to learn to become a homeschooling mum, is that I am more of a guide for them, until they take on the task of guiding themselves.

Sometimes we all need a trusted other when we are unsure of our way forward. Stepping in when noticing the necessity for change and developement.

Road schooling. Milford Sound New Zealand

I think it has been successful but tough also. For the kids and my husband and I. He has financially supported all of us, as I have worked with the kids helping them develop their own lives and  individuality.

My son is a professional freerunner – his own choice of life, chosen without our influence.

As as I sit and write this in Koh Tao, Thailand, my daughter is out on her rescue diver course. Once again chosen freely – taking the last step in preparation for her to turn it into her profession. When she feels ready and so chooses.

Physically, I now feel within, once again I have my freedom as a person – for the last 20 years I have been bringing up a family.

The thoughts turn to the question above ‘now what?’

My wish is to travel – write and relax. Oh and earn a living whilst doing so.

Maybe I need something to start me off, to assist me in once again moving towards my long term goal of us (my husband and I) owning our very own tent village in New Zealand.

IMG_0488

In some moments the task looks insurmountable – my age (47) indicates that my best physical years are most likely behind me, rather than in front.

Whether at home or away, the feeling remains the same – my physical work as a Mother is done.

Time for my life, finally – but I don’t know how to move forward…

Anyone care to guide me?

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4 thoughts on “Now What?

    1. Hi Kathi,
      I have become aware of what I am sure of, but at 47 don’t know if it is possible to achieve. It has been very strange experiencing internal chaos and becoming aware of the order that has come out of it. 🙂 If that makes any sense at all!

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      1. I’m definitely finding the experience a little disconcerting. Especially as it keeps throwing curve balls. One minute and on one level, I want to write, travel and relax, then self realisation kicks in and tells me a little more about what I’ve always wanted from my life. I seem to grow down instead of up. An interesting experience that I will know doubt turn into a post at some point. I’m a bit flummoxed to be honest with you. So much to do and so little time and money to do it in. Who knows where life will take me next, its certainly unnerving me at times! 🙂

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