What is it I desire, What is it I want and What am I attempting to achieve.

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Have you ever asked yourself this question?
To me, the answer seems to live, formulated somewhere in the past, connected to the present and looking to the future.
Do we trust in ourselves enough to allow our unconscious to create for us, a life we consciously would want to lead. Or, are you, like I am at times, mentally attempting to control the outcome rather than let it be.
I question how to balance myself between an inner and outer world, how does a person define success and is this different to its societal representation.
Something I experienced yesterday whilst lunching with a friend was a learning in the difference between going through an experience to being psychologically aware of an experience. Sometimes we need a trusted other to shine light into the darkness of what is happening to help us guide our own way home.
This is  when the question WHY, rears its ugly head – sardonically asking me “Why do you want all of the above?” and I know this is going to take some hard thinking- which could be a step forward or a leap too far.

HOW decides to  pop in next – with his own question, asking me rather accusingly “How are you going to achieve it?

And the last to join in the conversation is WHEN
When looks at me, like  expectant child to Mother. Asking  “When is all this going to happen. And I can only reply ‘I don’t know.’ To which it turns on its heel and wanders away despondently.

Then in that moment, I feel like I have failed: for not answering the question immediately, for not knowing and not feeling good enough.

Eventually I find my humanity…

Then a thought pops in….

Then onward I travel, taking another step in finding out what it is I desire, what it is I want and what I am attempting to achieve…..

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